So I worked today and I was very excited for a number of reasons. First Julissa(@Lyssen) was coming over today!!!
That's her! She flew in today from NY. Second, Style Black launched today at all MAC stores and counters. I got to play with the whole line and I must've changed my lips like 5 times because there's so much to play with. I ended up wearing their new Greasepaint Stick on my lips which is black. Here's some pics!
It's a great line, ya should stop by MAC and have fun. I wore a foundation a bit darker than my skin color because I didn't wanna look too gothic with the black lips. After wearing the black lips I noticed that I didn't look gothic at all. What do u think??
So I can't fully express myself without having some haters! It's crazy, like can I just do me and u not mind me? Am I that special or are you just that pathetic. I can only imagine how much more extravagant and bold I would be had I been a star in the limelight. I always thought I'd be famous. But you know what, it's good that I'm not because i dont think i could handle being scrutinized by the public. It's sad tho!
It's nice to see someone follow me, even tho I don't know who you are. I read what you wrote, doesn't mean that I value what you have to say but it is definitely very interesting to see it from an outsiders pov. And I must stress "outsider". You say it's amazing to see so many of my friends not push me or advise me into your defintion of good. Do u even know me personally? Have u met me before? Have we hung out before? Because if you knew me you would know that I don't have many friends. I know a lot of people but I only have very few friends aside from my husband and sister. As I continued to read I knew you didn't know me personally when you called my husband an idiot, anyone who knows my husband knows that he loves me very much and that he wouldn't contribute to my "downfall" or help me "destroy my health n value". I wonder what downfall you speak of. What kind of a failure do you take me for? You say this wasn't about judging me or it not being about god but you made it pretty clear that you are judging me and that all this was about god. I find it disrespectful for you to talk about my son and I. You have no clue what my life is like, you might read what I post on Twitter but you don't know my sons life, you don't know what happens in these walls, so for you to take up so much time to write what you wrote based on what you've read about me is amazing to me. It's amazing to me that you really think you are not judging me. My son is loved by both me and my husband, and there is no one in this world that will love him more. My son has it better bc I AM HIS MOTHER!!! You get that thru your head! It's clear you live a different lifestyle than mine, and have different beliefs than I do and that's absolutely fine. I don't live my life for others to approve or disapprove. I live my life the way I want to! You can live yours the way you want to. But I would never have the nerve to bash somebody elses life the way you just did. I could careless what unique is to YOU! Noone asked for your opinion. You really think that I'm empty inside or confused and that that is the reason why I smoke weed. It's not! I smoke bc it is my own personal preference. It's what I like to do to unwind at the end of the day. It relaxes me. I'm not even sure why I'm explaining myself to someone so fucking closed minded, someone so ignorant. Someone who actually had the balls to tell me that my lifestyle is an abomination. It's people like you that I can't stand. People who believe that their way of thinking or living is the right way. That what they believe in is right. I am sexualy open, I'm open with everything, hence my fucking blog, that does not make me a bad person. Yes, you are right, I am worth alot, I am beautiful and talented, I'm a fucking great person! That is why you follow me isn't it? You like to see a glimpse at my life. You asked what good has come from me doing things my way besides surviving. I'll tell you what. I am living, I do what I want when I want, I have the balls to do what others aren't doing, I live the way I want to not the way society believes I should, I am happy, I am free, I do what I love for a living, how many people can say that? I'm following my dreams, I love my life, I'm creative I know what I want, I am my own person, I am original, I've seen and experiences so much, I am inspiring, I am beautiful and talented I'm not just surviving, I am LIVING!!! And I rather my son be just like me than be some uptight, closed minded, judgemental, traditional, unoriginal prick like yourself. You continue to have fun on your journey in my life!
Visit Paris! I want to travel! I want to do something drastic! I want to show my son things/places I've never seen! I want to live like I've always dreamed of! I want to party like a rockstar! I want to make a change somehow! I want to inspire! I want to grow! I want to teach! I want to leave a mark! I want to experience! I want to explore! I want to be remembered!
I know most women don't like to wear foundation, "it's too heavy for everyday." is usually the reason why. I personally never had a problem wearing foundation if I was leaving the house. Since I started wearing makeup I've always applied foundation along with the rest of my makeup. That was until I was introduced to M.A.C.'s new line of tinted moisturizers. This product debuted last month at M.A.C. counters/stores everywhere. I found it weird that M.A.C. had never came out with a tinted moisturizer and I was very excited to try it. M.A.C. had this other product called Select Tint which I guess would be comparable to the tinted moisturizer, however I can't really give you my thought on the Select Tint because I've never used it. I like a fuller coverage. I made myself a sample of two of their tinted moisturizer shades (medium & medium dark) and I took them home to try. I was going to the pool when I decided to try it for the first time, I really hate wearing makeup to the pool so I thought this would be a perfect time to try it. I gotta say I was very impressed by not only the coverage but also by the finish it gives. It's a sheer coverage but I'd say it's sheer-medium coverage, plus if you finish it with the Miniralized Skin Finish Powder you'll get even more coverage. It totally evened out my skin tone and made my skin look fresh and healthy. It looked like I wasn't wearing any makeup and because it looked so natural i didn't need to wear any concealer. I ended up not making it to the pool because my son endedl up falling asleep and we hate waking him.
My pro - looks natural, feels natural and evens out my skin tone. My con - melts off and turns a lighter color when u sweat or wet your face if you don't apply a powder over it.
I'm laying down on my living room floor aside my very prego friend Yese n her man Chris(seizure guy). I'm feeling pretty weird, I actually wish I had a blunt right now bc I'm thinking about this crazy life of mine. I have a ton of skeletons in my closet. Sometimes I wish I could let them all out so I could sleep at night, but that'll never happen. As I lay here tho, I wonder where I'm gonna be 5 yrs from now because 5 yrs ago I would of never pictured myself married, living in Florida with a beautiful son. Life is crazy! Life is so crazy that if I think about it too much I really believe that I could literally drive myself crazy. So I try not to think about it much. However, I'd like to share some of me with you. I personally think that I am an extremely unique person and maybe it's because of the things I've been thru, or it could just be that I was born this way. As the years pass, I realize my personality changing, my taste in everything changing, my intelligence changing, everything changing pretty much. And I wonder if I would be who I am today had one thing been different in my life. Like in the movie "Sliding Doors", where Gwenyth Paltrow misses a train and they show you what her life is like had she taken the train or if she would of missed it. Where would I be had I never moved to Florida back in '04? Had my mom never passed away? Had I never dropped out of school? I can only wonder tho. Here's a time line of this somewhat crazy life of mine starting with High School(because my life was pretty normal before H.S.)
Sept. 1997-freshman @ catholic high school Aquinas. -had sex with a girl
Oct. 1999- no longer a virgin
Nov. 1999-fell in love with Bubu
June 2000-kicked out of Aquinas on the last day of my junior year, right before the bell rung when I would be considered a senior.
Sept. 2000-Senior at Wahington Irving High School. This was one of the best times of my life. After leaving that all girls high school Aquinas, I attended Irving, a public school, a co-ed public school! It was like walking into the movie "Kids". All I did was hang out with the super cool crowd, started smoking cigs, cut school to have Freaky Friday parties @ my bff's house, got drunk for the first time, got high for the first time, triple kissed, pretty much experimented with my sexuality and everything else. I had a fucking blast!!!!
April 2001-got my heart broken into a million pieces.
June 2001-I'm suppose to graduate, instead I got kicked out of Irving. At this point I'm rebelling against my parents, I really don't get along with my dad, my mother and I are always arguing. My sister has her own crew which I always envied. It was just a mess at my house. Outside of my house I seemed like the happiest most care free person, but I hated going home. My parents were very strict.
July 2001-I'm 18
Aug. 2001-my mother finds out she has Colon cancer. They give her 6months-2yrs. I had just turned 18 and there wasn't anyone that could tell me anything bc I was "grown" now. I had a boyfriend named Freddy, he was 23 and had his own place, I was infatuated.
Sept. 2001-I started at a new school, West Side High School. What would my life be had I never attended this school. During my short time at West Side I tattooed Freddy's name on my lower abdomen. 9/11 happened, Freddy lost his job due to it and started hustling. Things weren't the same btwn us after that. He went to DR on vacation. While in DR, I was still attending West Side with a close friend of mine from Irving, Katie. She told me one day that a girl like me. That's when I met Joniece(Joe). From the second I met her I knew I liked her. We hung out and eventually slept together. Eventually Freddy and I broke up and Joniece and I saw more of each other.
Jan. 2002-Joniece and I make it official. -My dad catches me making out with Joniece infront of my building. I begged him not to tell my mother but he did anyway and that night was horrible. We all got into a huge argument where my parents called me all types of names from a whore, slut, bitch, lesbo, I mean I heard it all that night. Joniece had a car and so getting around what easy. I ended up sleeping over her house alot and breaking my parents rules, which ofcourse one of them were, no sleeping over. I remember one night my dad said, "u spend so much time with her, why don't u just move out!" That same night I took a couple pillow cases, filled them with clothes and wrote my parents a letter telling them that I was moving out. Joe picked me up and I never slept at my parents house ever again. I stayed with Joe at her grandmas house in the BX. My father didn't speak to me for 9 months.
After I moved out, my life is pretty much a blurr from then to now. I rememer my mother always asking me to sleep over and spend the night, I never did. Although I knew she had cancer and knew the time she was given to live, I NEVER thought i would see my own mother die one day, let alone it being so soon.
Summer of 2002 - My sister and I almost drown at Atlantic City, lifeguards came to save us both.
Nov. 2002 - I start working for Sephora in Soho, my first makeup job. I always loved makeup but never knew that I would fall in love with it and I also didn't know I was naturally given the talent of making women beautiful. By this time Joe and I had our own place (a co-op her mom owned).
Jan. 1, 2003 - Minnie Me is born, my doggie. A Maltese/poodle.
April 5, 2003 - it was around 2:30am when I got the phone call from my dad that my mom died. She was in hospice at her apt so she died at home in the room where I would later have my son. I remember bits and pieces of that night and the day before, I had gotten a call at work that the hospice nurse came by the apt and told my dad and cousins that my mom has less than 2 days to live. I could go on with more details but really, I don't want to. My mothers death didn't hit me till probably a month or so later. Calling her apt and her not picking up hit me hard. Ok I'll leave it there because the more I think about that period in my life, the more remorse and regret I have.
Nov. 2003 - Joe and I moved to Pennsylvania with her aunt Sophie. Sophie was the best and was somewhat of a motherfigure to me. We worked ay a ski resort.
Feb. 2004 - Joe and I take a road trip with 2 of her aunts to Florida. One of her aunts, Valerie had gotten a job offer in Florida at a mortgage company and we accompanied her on this road trip in hopes to find an apartment for her. We did. We also somehow manage to find me a job down there. Joe and I decided to take the offer and move on down to the sunshine state with her aunt. We shared an apt with Valerie and Valerie and I worked in the same place.
June 2004 - I lost my job bc I refused to flirt back with the guy that hired me. I made a scene at that job and got threatned to have the cops escort me out. I hated Florida! So the day before my 21st bday we decided to move back to NY.
Oct. 23, 2004 - Joniece breaks up with me out of the blue. No argument, no warning, just a simple "I don't want to be with you anymore." It hurt! It hurt bad! I had to leave her fathers house and move back to my dads, the apartment where my mom lived. When I left it was us 4(my mom, my dad, my sis and myself). I didn't know what it would be like to go back. I called Sophie and told her that her neice left me and she booked me a flight to Florida for that wknd to get away. While in Florida I end up getting a job with the same company that fired me earlier in the year. It seems the owner of the company got in to it with the ass that harrassed me and he fired him. So I went back to NY, tried to get back with Joe but she wasn't having it. I packe my shit and took me and my dog to Florida. I was alone, wasn't working bc the job offer fell thru when the owner found out I had threatned to sue the comapny back when they fired me. I didn't have a car, no friends and cried myself to sleep every night bc I was heart broken. At this time also I experimented with drugs, acid, angel dust, special k, G, E.
Jan. 2005 - I met Ariel. He was like no other guy I had ever met.
April 3, 2005 - Ariel and I make it official.
Sept. 2005 - Ariel and I take a trip to NY. He asks my dad for my hand in marriage.
Nov. 5, 2005 - Ariel and I tie the knot and move in together(at his parents)
Mar. 25, 2006 - My wedding day and also one of the best wknd's of my life.
June 2006 - I leave my husband and moved out an hour away from him. Marriage hit me hard and I wasn't ready.
Sept. 2006 - Ariel and I work things out and I moved back. I left him once and I'll never leave him again. He is the love of my life and I will always be here for him.
Dec. 2007 - Moved to NY with hubby. We moved to my moms old apt with my sister and her boyfriend. It was cool but I knew my sisters boyfriend was not good for her, I thought maybe she would see how Ariel and I treat eachother and maybe she'd want something like that and leave her boyfriend.
May 7, 2008 - I find out I'm pregnant.
June 2008 - My sisters boyfriend gets locked up and is set to serve 4 years.
July 1st, 2008 - I turn 25.
Dec. 31, 2008 - Aiden Link Ramirez is born. 19 inches long, weighing 7lbs. 7oz.
Feb. 2009 - We get evicted from Apartment A but we went to court and won the case.
May 10, 2009 - Ariel and I take a trip with Aiden to Florida to surprise his mother with her new grandson.
May 12, 2009 - Apartment A gets raided. My sister was there. Ariel and I take this as a sign to move out and move to Florida.
July 1, 2009 - I turn 26 and lost my dog Minnie Me, he was exactly 6yrs and 6months old, to the day.
July 4, 2009 - Ariel, my sister and I move to Florida.
And here I am. Lisa ended up going back to NY to "visit". She has yet to return. Ariel and I finally have our own place, I absolutely love it. Looking back at my life I do wish I had done alot of things different. I always use to say I have no regrets but I'd be lying if I still said that. I do love my life tho. It's been a good interesting life. I wonder what tomorrow has in store for me and where I'm going to be 5 years from now and 10 years from now for that matter. Regardless where ever I am I know that I will always have two boys in my life that will always love me and vice versa. And that is more than I could ever ask for.