My life-The Timeline

I'm laying down on my living room floor aside my very prego friend Yese n her man Chris(seizure guy). I'm feeling pretty weird, I actually wish I had a blunt right now bc I'm thinking about this crazy life of mine. I have a ton of skeletons in my closet. Sometimes I wish I could let them all out so I could sleep at night, but that'll never happen.
As I lay here tho, I wonder where I'm gonna be 5 yrs from now because 5 yrs ago I would of never pictured myself married, living in Florida with a beautiful son. Life is crazy! Life is so crazy that if I think about it too much I really believe that I could literally drive myself crazy. So I try not to think about it much.
However, I'd like to share some of me with you. I personally think that I am an extremely unique person and maybe it's because of the things I've been thru, or it could just be that I was born this way. As the years pass, I realize my personality changing, my taste in everything changing, my intelligence changing, everything changing pretty much. And I wonder if I would be who I am today had one thing been different in my life. Like in the movie "Sliding Doors", where Gwenyth Paltrow misses a train and they show you what her life is like had she taken the train or if she would of missed it. Where would I be had I never moved to Florida back in '04? Had my mom never passed away? Had I never dropped out of school? I can only wonder tho.
Here's a time line of this somewhat crazy life of mine starting with High School(because my life was pretty normal before H.S.)

Sept. 1997-freshman @ catholic high school Aquinas.
-had sex with a girl

Oct. 1999- no longer a virgin

Nov. 1999-fell in love with Bubu

June 2000-kicked out of Aquinas on the last day of my junior year, right before the bell rung when I would be considered a senior.

Sept. 2000-Senior at Wahington Irving High School. This was one of the best times of my life. After leaving that all girls high school Aquinas, I attended Irving, a public school, a co-ed public school! It was like walking into the movie "Kids". All I did was hang out with the super cool crowd, started smoking cigs, cut school to have Freaky Friday parties @ my bff's house, got drunk for the first time, got high for the first time, triple kissed, pretty much experimented with my sexuality and everything else. I had a fucking blast!!!!

April 2001-got my heart broken into a million pieces.

June 2001-I'm suppose to graduate, instead I got kicked out of Irving. At this point I'm rebelling against my parents, I really don't get along with my dad, my mother and I are always arguing. My sister has her own crew which I always envied. It was just a mess at my house. Outside of my house I seemed like the happiest most care free person, but I hated going home. My parents were very strict.

July 2001-I'm 18

Aug. 2001-my mother finds out she has Colon cancer. They give her 6months-2yrs. I had just turned 18 and there wasn't anyone that could tell me anything bc I was "grown" now. I had a boyfriend named Freddy, he was 23 and had his own place, I was infatuated.

Sept. 2001-I started at a new school, West Side High School. What would my life be had I never attended this school. During my short time at West Side I tattooed Freddy's name on my lower abdomen. 9/11 happened, Freddy lost his job due to it and started hustling. Things weren't the same btwn us after that. He went to DR on vacation. While in DR, I was still attending West Side with a close friend of mine from Irving, Katie. She told me one day that a girl like me. That's when I met Joniece(Joe). From the second I met her I knew I liked her. We hung out and eventually slept together. Eventually Freddy and I broke up and Joniece and I saw more of each other.

Jan. 2002-Joniece and I make it official.
-My dad catches me making out with Joniece infront of my building. I begged him not to tell my mother but he did anyway and that night was horrible. We all got into a huge argument where my parents called me all types of names from a whore, slut, bitch, lesbo, I mean I heard it all that night. Joniece had a car and so getting around what easy. I ended up sleeping over her house alot and breaking my parents rules, which ofcourse one of them were, no sleeping over. I remember one night my dad said, "u spend so much time with her, why don't u just move out!" That same night I took a couple pillow cases, filled them with clothes and wrote my parents a letter telling them that I was moving out. Joe picked me up and I never slept at my parents house ever again. I stayed with Joe at her grandmas house in the BX. My father didn't speak to me for 9 months.

After I moved out, my life is pretty much a blurr from then to now. I rememer my mother always asking me to sleep over and spend the night, I never did. Although I knew she had cancer and knew the time she was given to live, I NEVER thought i would see my own mother die one day, let alone it being so soon.

Summer of 2002 - My sister and I almost drown at Atlantic City, lifeguards came to save us both.

Nov. 2002 - I start working for Sephora in Soho, my first makeup job. I always loved makeup but never knew that I would fall in love with it and I also didn't know I was naturally given the talent of making women beautiful. By this time Joe and I had our own place (a co-op her mom owned).

Jan. 1, 2003 - Minnie Me is born, my doggie. A Maltese/poodle.

April 5, 2003 - it was around 2:30am when I got the phone call from my dad that my mom died. She was in hospice at her apt so she died at home in the room where I would later have my son. I remember bits and pieces of that night and the day before, I had gotten a call at work that the hospice nurse came by the apt and told my dad and cousins that my mom has less than 2 days to live. I could go on with more details but really, I don't want to.
My mothers death didn't hit me till probably a month or so later. Calling her apt and her not picking up hit me hard. Ok I'll leave it there because the more I think about that period in my life, the more remorse and regret I have.

Nov. 2003 - Joe and I moved to Pennsylvania with her aunt Sophie. Sophie was the best and was somewhat of a motherfigure to me. We worked ay a ski resort.

Feb. 2004 - Joe and I take a road trip with 2 of her aunts to Florida. One of her aunts, Valerie had gotten a job offer in Florida at a mortgage company and we accompanied her on this road trip in hopes to find an apartment for her. We did. We also somehow manage to find me a job down there. Joe and I decided to take the offer and move on down to the sunshine state with her aunt. We shared an apt with Valerie and Valerie and I worked in the same place.

June 2004 - I lost my job bc I refused to flirt back with the guy that hired me. I made a scene at that job and got threatned to have the cops escort me out. I hated Florida! So the day before my 21st bday we decided to move back to NY.

Oct. 23, 2004 - Joniece breaks up with me out of the blue. No argument, no warning, just a simple "I don't want to be with you anymore." It hurt! It hurt bad! I had to leave her fathers house and move back to my dads, the apartment where my mom lived. When I left it was us 4(my mom, my dad, my sis and myself). I didn't know what it would be like to go back. I called Sophie and told her that her neice left me and she booked me a flight to Florida for that wknd to get away. While in Florida I end up getting a job with the same company that fired me earlier in the year. It seems the owner of the company got in to it with the ass that harrassed me and he fired him. So I went back to NY, tried to get back with Joe but she wasn't having it. I packe my shit and took me and my dog to Florida. I was alone, wasn't working bc the job offer fell thru when the owner found out I had threatned to sue the comapny back when they fired me. I didn't have a car, no friends and cried myself to sleep every night bc I was heart broken.
At this time also I experimented with drugs, acid, angel dust, special k, G, E.

Jan. 2005 - I met Ariel. He was like no other guy I had ever met.

April 3, 2005 - Ariel and I make it official.

Sept. 2005 - Ariel and I take a trip to NY. He asks my dad for my hand in marriage.

Nov. 5, 2005 - Ariel and I tie the knot and move in together(at his parents)

Mar. 25, 2006 - My wedding day and also one of the best wknd's of my life.

June 2006 - I leave my husband and moved out an hour away from him. Marriage hit me hard and I wasn't ready.

Sept. 2006 - Ariel and I work things out and I moved back. I left him once and I'll never leave him again. He is the love of my life and I will always be here for him.

Dec. 2007 - Moved to NY with hubby. We moved to my moms old apt with my sister and her boyfriend. It was cool but I knew my sisters boyfriend was not good for her, I thought maybe she would see how Ariel and I treat eachother and maybe she'd want something like that and leave her boyfriend.

May 7, 2008 - I find out I'm pregnant.

June 2008 - My sisters boyfriend gets locked up and is set to serve 4 years.

July 1st, 2008 - I turn 25.

Dec. 31, 2008 - Aiden Link Ramirez is born. 19 inches long, weighing 7lbs. 7oz.

Feb. 2009 - We get evicted from Apartment A but we went to court and won the case.

May 10, 2009 - Ariel and I take a trip with Aiden to Florida to surprise his mother with her new grandson.

May 12, 2009 - Apartment A gets raided. My sister was there. Ariel and I take this as a sign to move out and move to Florida.

July 1, 2009 - I turn 26 and lost my dog Minnie Me, he was exactly 6yrs and 6months old, to the day.

July 4, 2009 - Ariel, my sister and I move to Florida.

And here I am. Lisa ended up going back to NY to "visit". She has yet to return. Ariel and I finally have our own place, I absolutely love it.
Looking back at my life I do wish I had done alot of things different. I always use to say I have no regrets but I'd be lying if I still said that. I do love my life tho. It's been a good interesting life. I wonder what tomorrow has in store for me and where I'm going to be 5 years from now and 10 years from now for that matter. Regardless where ever I am I know that I will always have two boys in my life that will always love me and vice versa. And that is more than I could ever ask for.


  1. whoa. this was beyond amazing. when life gave you lemons, you made beef stew lol.....and i'm hype i was around for a lot of it. :) you and ur sister are some of the most courageous women i've ever met. and your mom will forever be in my heart! i loveeeee u Gretchen!!!!

  2. I think your beautiful and talented in ur makeup, which is why i've followed u on sites. u've been through a lot. I see you boastfully talk about doing drugs, being liberal and not believing in "God", when in fact; does it make sense that your lifestyle is something to be boastful about? ur emptiness is whats causes you to want to be high all the time to not see the reality of ur past. Its amazing how you have so many "friends" but not one of those friends has pushed you or advised you into good, they seem to all be there for a superficial moment, or to get high or party but ppl who truly care about you would give you a hand, ppl who love u or care about u don't contribute to your downfall, Now your husband? I'm sorry but he's an idiot. Does it make sense to say "I love you" but see that person destroy their health and value? "we love each other but together we help destroy ourselves" a man that loves u will want the best for u in heart, body and spirit, that truly hows someone cares about u. I thought perhaps after having a son, u'd snap out of it, but then I see ur status only being about getting high, shrooming, getting drunk, talkin about pornographic garbage, flawing ur body with even more tattoos, does that make sense? for a mother to do that? I'm sorry but ur son deserves better, any infant deserves to be born from a woman with honor, how does it sound "I love my son, but lemme go get high" You'd think you'd want to better urself because u LOVE that child. even if they don't see or understand what ur doing, it affects a lot even if u don't see it; u have to go and kiss & carry ur child with a clean slate & not dishonor them like that. How beautiful that'd be huh? I couldn't live with myself, and I don't even have kids yet. wow. u sit there and question God or have the nerve to have debates, when if u truly look at what God established, there is nothing but LIFE and GOODNESS from him, everything God stands for is good, (not religion or tradition im talking about GOD) yet u find an excuse and live the total opposite of something good and sit there and say u are ur own God. Why not raise ur son to be someone of blessing in the world? to be a warrior for good, instead ur going to pass on ur same erroneous mentality to him. u say ur "unique" but ur not, unique to me is someone who is different from the world, who fights for innocence, but your just being like the rest of the world, conforming urself with corruption. God is the only one who makes ALL things new again, and who can break all those madliciones in ur life, so ur next generation will be blessed and not carry the same vicious cycle, I'm not saying this to judge u, I'm saying what all ur "friends" don't say, I think ur worth so much more then u know, ur family is worth so much more but u need to see that. I know u try to hide ur emptiness or confusion by getting high but u need to let all those things out and become someone who's life story will truly be something that will help someone but for good, and say u'll see how diff ur life will be, all the things u love that u shouldn't, u'll grow disgust for all things hidden, u'll be someone with purpose, ur life won't be uncertain or drifting, things will always go from good to better and stay that way. What good has come about doing things ur way, other then just surviving? I have yet to see a negative testimony about God, but the worse part is that this isn't really about God, its about knowing right from wrong. u don't have skeletons in ur closet, u have demons, let them go, for ur son. & i'm not being old fashioned, straight up, drugs aren't cool, being "sexuality open" is not cool, its an abomination and u need to snap out of it, ur a MOTHER!!!!

  3. ORBITZ0003--- as a personal friend/new family member/child of GOD I don't agree with the way you chose to express your feelings on miss D's life. You keep mentioning GOD.. and in situations like this you have to ask yourself..."how would GOD write to this person?" definitely not in the way you just did. Let me tell you something about miss D's child... that child is probably thee most healthiest happiest baby I have ever encountered in my lifetime whom I've grown to love and adore. Find some other way to show your concern. She is a wonderful mother and wife who puts food on the table and goes to work and unlike a lot of us works in something that God gave her the talent to do. OH YEAH.. and as for you calling her husband an idiot, GOD clearly writes in his book how he hates when one of his children calls another human being that word DO NOT THROW STONES....he's a great husband and father probably the best father and husband with a warm heart ...trust me...miss D has what she needs in a man !!! We can not belittle someone that is not in our nature. Your not guiding your CLEARLY BASHING. NOT COOL.... Miss D has been through a tremendous life that I for one would NOT want to go through and we all have a testimony to whats happened to us and in that instant WE LISTEN TO THAT PERSON AND THEN WE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THAT PERSON.. NOT throw stones. So what if she chooses to smoke weed and relax... its not our place to judge sweety... I KNOW your a girl... your choice of words is something a girl would write... and I also have a feeling that you know this girl. Someone who didn't know miss d would not care about her lifestyle "the way you do" & even if they did i assure you it wouldn't have been that long of a comment. The ONLY advice that I can give you is "BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS TO SOMEONE... YOUR APPROACH AND CHARACTER SAYS ALOT TO THE PERSON YOUR WRITING TO...YOU WONT GET THROUGH THIS WAY... THATS A FACT" Miss D is a woman...VERY UNIQUE TALENTED LOVING CARING FUNNY SMART SWEET SEXY ENTERTAINING CLASSY WITH SOME BAGGAGE...but don't we ALL have sum kind of baggage at some point in our lives... im sure you do....so she will do as she pleases. GOD BLESS YOU

  4. Hi...
    I found your blog looking up makeup.... and i must say that Im glad that I did...

    there's nothing like looking up makeup (which I adore) and then stumbling on an awesome blog! :)

    -There has never been a person I have ever thought was so interesting..... I don''t know you but I thought your blog was amazing... So beautifully written.... at some points i felt like i could feel your pain....

    What intrigued me is that we have completely different lives... I got along perfectly well with my parents... I never tried drugs never dated girls or explored my sexuality to the extent that you have yet.... i love the life you've lived thus far... and though we've lived different lives... we are essentially the same... we are humans.. we are latinas we are young.. and we have dreams!

    You see you are an artist, and as a child my mother and father always taught us to see the world through artists too because they help you see diversity... they help us embrace life in a new way...

    I am a high school teacher and I see you in all of my students everyday... The way you broke down your time line clarified so much for me.... My students are experimenting with drugs sex friends and so much more yet as educators we try to stop our kids from doing that but in actuality its life.... teens will be teens....

    Im 25 years old.... and I went to college and I have a great job but... so what... I feel the same way you feel.. Where will i be in 5 years? LORD KNOWS I HAVE SKELETONS IN MY CLOSET TOO.... will i be punished for them?

    I think your husband is a smart man for never letting you go... He sees something in you that the world doesn't see.. YOU ARE AN ARTIST!

    Your son is also a lucky little baby... because in 25 years of life you have done so much.... and if you've climbed all those mountains in 25 years he's going to be able to see you climb a billion more!

    xoxo Kathy! :)